Not gonna lie. I'm writing this and don't even know where I'm going with it, with this writing but also with this business or at least how I go about it. All I know is that I can't go back to the way things were before. (even if simply for obvious reasons such as a change of location)
Maybe you remember that one time I wrote about why I share my secrets, so you know that I don't do all the things the way everybody says they should be done even if proven to work. I am aware that in reading that last statement it could come off as haughty or arrogant, but I PROMISE it's by and large because I am still learning and growing and trying to do what God wants me to do the way He wants me to do it. Sometimes that comes with admitting how wrong you were, how wrong I am. If you grew up in Christian culture in the 90s, you'll appreciate this video.
This is not a jumping-on-a-bandwagon post. This is just me being open and vulnerable with you that I don't have this business thing all figured out. And I have recently started to lean more and more towards getting off of social media. That definitely looks like business suicide, but for now some of those social media parts of how I did things for this business need to dissolve so that new ways can be birthed and grow. And God's ways, absolutely complete and without flaw, do often times seem nonsensical to the world. And I am ok with doing things His way in His leading even when people I love and respect don't understand. I have nothing to prove or lose in this life when I am living to be used for what can only be gained in eternity.
A year long analogy with plants (more on that later maybe) has been used to show me what God is doing or wanting to do with me and with luxe|wise. It started with Christy Nockels' podcast, was grown through Ann Voskamp's The Broken Way, and has even been continued through Andrew Murray's Abiding in Christ. In short, seeds have to be planted alone and in the dark to be broken open for growth. They go underground. And like Jesus says so many times after performing a miracle, even seeds obey as they "go and tell no one." What this practically looks like for luxe|wise right now, and this is really all I know so far, is stepping back from the hustle of social media business and presence. I don't have any hard and fast rules or a game plan set in place. I've still got 9 blog drafts sitting waiting to be finished. And it definitely freaks me out at times. But I most assuredly will still be here, available, working to help build capsules and organize shelves and closets and living rooms. I just won't be blasting stuff across the interwebs everyday.
If you do follow any of the seven (oh my heavens) luxe|wise media outlets, then you might have somehow stumbled across one of the latest LW insta posts that basically started this conversation. I gotta shoot you straight. Getting on social media platforms lately has started making me feel a great deal of angst, like a literal physical weight or knot in my chest or stomach. In an online worship mentoring class I'm currently completing, my mentor shared this definition of angst from the Urban Dictionary (but be careful, that's a dangerous place): Angst, often confused with anxiety, is a transcendent emotion in that it combines the unbearable anguish of life with the hopes of overcoming this seemingly impossible situation. Without the important element of hope, then the emotion is anxiety, not angst. Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weigh on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear.
I have been feeling the depression from the seemingly unbearable weight of life. I have wrestled with ambivalence. Hello angst and fatigue. BUT NOT WITHOUT HOPE! This situation (this world, these people) is/are not impossible. God can do what He will with me and all that He has given me to steward. I know when my salvation will appear. And with the sweet season of Advent upon us, as a Christian, I know that HE already has both appeared and saved me! He has already conquered every sin and shame and mistake I have and ever will make. I can lean in with my full weight in trusting Him. I can throw up the deuces to social media and trust that He will continue to bring new clients and business opportunities my way. Like my sweet friend-basically-family Candice said, "I know I want to go to my grave and people say 'she loved people that hurt her.' I want to give of myself to people who don’t deserve it." Jesus didn't withhold forgiveness and grace, so neither will I. I want to continue to give and support others without any promise of anything in return. I want to keep my mouth from cursing others, even those who speak ill of me. I'm tired of seeing people under buses all day. I want to be able to promote my work as well as others' without ever having to speak ill or demean anyone else's product or style or aesthetic.
One last story then I'll wrap this thing up. When I was in college, I was kind of a sorority girl. I say 'kind of' because at Ouachita, there aren't really national sororities. They're just social clubs. And I also say 'kind of' because every semester after I pledged, I became more involved with other extracurriculars and less involved with my club. I didn't understand a lot of the rhyme or reason with clubs, but the one thing I will forever be proud of is that when we would go through the process of considering our new pledges, we never spoke ill of anyone. Ever. We did not allow ourselves to say one negative thing about the girls in consideration. It was a really cool thing to sit in a room full of girls who did nothing but mine the gold in other girls to champion them and have their back.
I want to learn to communicate more clearly. I want to speak life when I communicate. I want to rub shoulders, hug necks, and share coffee with real people and mine their gold and give real encouragement instead of just a thumbs up click. I want to rely on word-of-mouth because people value integrity and honesty. And really, I want to physically "see you around."
We're currently "rebuilding my portfolio" (aka: the Tremont house), and I cant wait to share snippets of that along the way. But until then, I hope to hug your neck or give you a real life Baymax fist bump. *bah-a-la-la-la*
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from my family to yours, dear ones!
As always, so much love from me to you,
P.s. If you'd like to see where we're going before we get there with the Tremont house,
you can keep up with the vision casting right here.